Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Vegging out in God's Waiting Room

Yes, it's that time of year again. It's the time of year when Hallmark stock soars through the roof and concurrently thousands of trees are destroyed somewhere in the world to manufacture greeting cards that are read once and may or may not be recycled. I landed in Miami for the holidays, and landed is a term I use loosely, to find half my city underwater. Weird winter storms lent credence to the predictions that Miami will be totally submerged in about a hundred years. I wonder if the combined weight of all the Canadian tourists who fly in for the winter is making Miami sink faster. But I can't say I blame them. Miami is beautiful this time of year and the perfect remedy for anyone fleeing something. Whether its the cold weather, a Communist island 90 miles away, or in my case, the ethnic tension, intolerance, and religious fanaticism of the Middle East, Miami is a perfect refuge. So as I turn 30 in the city where the average age is 72.8, I have decided to spend the next for the next couple weeks practicing to be a good senior citizen. I will be reading novels, playing some combination of golf/tennis/raquetball/shuffleboard, and wondering what SPF sunscreen I need to apply on my nose that always seems to redden before anything else. The over-under on how long it will be before I go insane is approximately two weeks, at which point I will quite rationally fly back to the Middle East. But until then I will be in my Panama Hat, enjoying this little dress rehearsal for the golden years.

Wherever you are and whatever holiday you like to celebrate, I send you my fondest impersonal electronic seasons greetings and wish you a happy and healthy new year.